Not so full of moxie and viscosity today. Feeling more like... full of cotton and mold. Just... off. I wrote Eric a long email this morning and he wrote me one back explaining why I was feeling the way I am feeling... he was, of course, right. Long weekend, not enough release, too much stressful design project bullcrap, family pressure still builds, we are not the same as we were in the morning time, not enough release, not enough release, not enough release! Everything is just misaligned, you see, like a table with muddled cellpadding tags. Slightly off. I cried on the phone with Mary today but not on purpose. Just let a little steam off. Hot, steam tears.
Anyway, this weekend I go to see Emily Roellke, Lauren Santiago, Melanie Nyema, and Lizzy Carley. This will be a good thing. I am wanting to move away from moldy cotton insides and get back to viscous moxie. I love Eric, at least I rest my head on that.
Second graders today. It's the kind of class that has 18 super industrious little kids and two total tyrants that cannot sit still, keep their hands to themselves, or keep from crying over everything... makes the day interesting enough. Lots of tattle-tales.
I'm stressing pretty hard about my credit card debt. I know that I can get through it, obviously, but there are days like today where I really wonder when I will ever get out from under the shadow of it. Probably when I have a decent job, right? I mean, I HAVE a decent job now, but any extra goes towards moving to Portland, so there is no room for paying off any cards.
What sucks is that if I really want to go back to school to get my degree to move forward with what I want to do, I am going to get further in debt. Debt, debt, debt. I guess the idea is to stay afloat with little nylon patch kits until you can buy a new boat.
In other news, I stayed the first night at my parent's house in a long time last night. It was nice to sleep in the smell of my parent's heater and shower in my old shower and see my parents before work in the morning... but there were three times in the night when I woke up, wanted to find Eric's arms, and fell back asleep, cuddling myself and the sheets instead. Finally, the day has come when my arms own a home other than those empty sheets.
In conclusion (don't you love conclusion paragraphs that start like that?), children are children, debt is inevitable, and love is in the air. Not bad.
