I was having good dreams about being at parties full of friends and attractive, punk rock men who all wanted to hear my opinion about literature when I woke up with a start to the WORST CHARLIE HORSE I HAVE EVER HAD IN MY LIFE... I held my thumb in the center of the knot for a good five minutes. If I moved it, the pain shot through me like a ... something that goes quickly. I had to sit there, still not quite awake, clutching my twisted calf muscle, until the horse subsided. An hour later and I'm still rubbing out the remainder of the knot. I need to eat more bananas.
I can feel myself being less and less positive to people I meet. It's because of influences of late: unnameable but obvious if you've talked to me recently. Two pretty key players in my Fresno life have a tendency to be abrasive, over the top, too sarcastic ... mean. I never thought people could have such an effect on me, but that was when I was surrounded by the glowing likes of Lauren Choplin, Melanie Nyema, Stacy Burcham and Lizzy Carley. You can't ever feel negative around them. They're the best at making everyone around them feel amazing. And that's what I always strove for- genuine positive energy all the time.
I still really want that for the people I encounter. I want people to feel goodness in a world where maybe that isn't always the case. I want to be known as a person of light and happy-talk. So I resolve now to make that effort all the time. I resolve to be a positive vibe. It releases so much inside me. I feel it when I teach all the time. That goes-down-easy, fulfilling,
filling, completely selfless feeling of knowing you've made someone else's day better. In whatever way. It's the only thing that really lasts.
