full of moxie and viscosity

I was having good dreams about being at parties full of friends and attractive, punk rock men who all wanted to hear my opinion about literature when I woke up with a start to the WORST CHARLIE HORSE I HAVE EVER HAD IN MY LIFE... I held my thumb in the center of the knot for a good five minutes. If I moved it, the pain shot through me like a ... something that goes quickly. I had to sit there, still not quite awake, clutching my twisted calf muscle, until the horse subsided. An hour later and I'm still rubbing out the remainder of the knot. I need to eat more bananas.