Fresno, California. Center of my Central Valley Universe. My little brain has about thirteen more pomegranite seeds to roll around on its tongue. I have a new brown jacket, only one job, two cd's worth of pictures to upload onto my website and a hankering for some masochism. Oh, don't fret, dear readers. My 2005 New Year's Resolution, as trite and ridiculous as resolutions are, is to Stop Picking. Now of all resolutions for me to choose, this is the most important and the most difficult for me to follow through. I'm a big girl now, I'm worldly and experienced and have a heightened awareness of my surroundings and trajectory. As the ex-convict on my bus ride from Bakersfield said, sometimes we need vectors to keep our sporadic nature at bay... probably true, and probably something I should listen to. I lied and said I had a husband with a PhD and he lied and said he had a girlfriend in Colorado who was waiting for him but we both knew and talked about Mars and hydrogen and vector systems instead. Neither of us knew what we were saying, but I know personally I felt pretty satisfied at the end. Regardless, I have a vector, Victor (though his name was Gary) and I want to follow through. How do I expect to follow through with changing the world one tiny tot at a time if I can't even keep my own dirty fingernails out of the surface of my tender breast skin? It's a stupid thing for me to do, so I'm buckling on a Maturity Belt and giving it the best go that I can. Now, time for a shower, an unpacking, and some tutoring. Back in California feels lovely.
