We all have to start over sometimes. Sometimes the shots have pulled and the syrup pumped and the milk steamed and you realize the drink was supposed to be decaf. Sometimes you put too many scoops of Enfamil in the bottle. Sometimes the paragraph just needs to start over- your characterization is too slow, too methodical; your lighting is all off. Your rhythm, off. Sometimes you just have to cut your losses and know when to Start Over. Sometimes, there's just no sense in trying to fix what you've done. It's pointless.
Of all of the things I've learned in my life, I think that lesson was the hardest one to learn, and the hardest one to apply. I should have cut Justin out a long, long time before I did. And now, I have to allow myself to drop Mark Small out of my life for good. He won't return my calls and he won't return my emails. There were days (meaning last week) where I would sit up at night and think of ways to talk to him... change my cell number and call him so he'd answer... surprise him at a gig somewhere... go to his house in New York... but the reality of it is, he just doesn't want me in his life anymore, because of things outside of my control. And of all the lessons I've learned, this is the one I need to apply with the most ardor. And pride. So here I am, vowing. I will apply said lesson. I don't want to, because I really want to know him still, have him in my life, talk to him, be a part of all that he is, all of his genius... but I'm moving on. On, on.
Before I move on, though, I have to say, to the world, I AM SORRY, MARK SMALL. FOR WHATEVER IT WAS I DID TO YOU, I AM SORRY. There.
Now, moving on...
