I feel like rambling so I'm going to. I miss Nathan Gadd and Gabriel Mann because they're both very attractive and calming to be around but I feel very insecure around both of them as well because they have these higher things- Nathan, spirituality, Gabriel, music, and I have something else but it's neither of those and I envy them. I don't know what envy really is, I know jealousy but envy seems to have a different connotation, don't it? Jealousy is ugly, Envy is somehow okay? I don't know. Whenever I think jealousy I think Justin Ray and G.S., and who wants to think about them? I wondered about Justin today, wondered if I should call him. Just because I'm curious, really, how he's doing and if he's getting married to Nicole because I keep dreaming that he is which is either a) me projecting my fears of never getting married onto my fear of him falling in love before me and combining them or b) me being totally clairvoyant which is obviously the more plausible of the two. I haven't written on the novel in a long time and I think I might be afraid of it. After I have all this time off (not ALL this time off, a job will be gotten, be it a Gap job (corporate america eeewwww) or something great (nannying?) I will have a job, but regardless, I'll have a couple weeks here to myself, to calm down and write and do laundry and check out my financial situation and frolick in the god damned natural sunshine beauty of this Pacifica Northwesta. Thank god that I have kissed a man recently without being under the influence of alcohol. It was lovely and I had forgotten how nice it is to just simply make out for a long time. I haven't done that in forever. There's usually a goal in place. Making out is fun just for making out's sake. Tomorrow will be a good day because I'll have time to come home and recuperate after work. Maybe even go to the gym!! Wow, that would be excellent. Or maybe I should take it easy and relax, watch a movie, do laundry. Laundry seems to be a theme in this here blog. Dylan was speaking with a Southern drawl today online, if that is possible. Once I wrote the line, "her words hung in the air like limp clothes on a line across an alley." It was almost a good line.
